It's never too late
One of my Facebook friends updated her status to read that
she didn’t think she could make any new BFF-type friends after her mid-20s.
Another friend posted that if you are a woman in your mid-30s who is single and
childless, it is your fault and you are hopeless and you must be miserable.
Well, that wasn’t his exact quote, but you get the point. My first thought was
then what happens in your 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s then? Dare I even ask about
once you turn 80? Gasp! Do you just stop living and breathing and growing after
you hit 25? We are inundated with stories by countless opinion-havers who
publicly and privately pressure others to imitate their own experiences by
perpetuating messages like…if you haven’t done this by this age, then it’s too
late. Well, my question is: SAYS WHO? And where is this life-expectancy-handbook
by which we are to follow? I must have missed that somewhere during the many
years I have been furthering my education.
What if I want to start a family at 60? What if I don’t want
to start a family at all? I just read an interesting story about a 70-year-old
foster mom. Isn’t it more important that she gave a homeless child a place to
sleep? The article of course focused on her age. What if I want to travel all
the way around the world, but not until I’m 83? Or do they revoke passports at
that age? Or I know, what if I want to live in a different country for every
single year that I am alive? When does it no longer become appropriate to
dream? Have goals? Set new goals? Grow? Stretch our thinking? I get so excited
when I hear stories of high school or college graduates who began a new degree
program after their retirement or the seniors who take up weight lifting,
marathon-ing or cross-country skiing so they aren’t just sitting around the
house, settling. In fact, every
holiday that I’m home, I play volleyball with my grandma and her senior
friends. I show up every time reminding myself to take it easy on them, but I’m
the one who walks away with the bruises. She’s 82.
Maybe this is a regional discussion. When I lived on the east coast, I loved the diversity. My friends were intelligent, eclectic, and unique –charting their own paths. When I visit the west coast, I meet similar free spirits –everyone doing their own thing. However, my time in the Midwest has been a little different. There are rules in play here. Rules that not everyone (me included) are privy to. For example, you must be married by this age, with this amount of offspring, live in this neighborhood, by this age, have this amount of money in your bank account, and if you have not accomplished any of this, by this age, there’s no hope for you to ever achieve this later. You are a lost cause. And we will give you the ‘pity stare’ at every chance we get.
I guess I like to think a little outside of the age-box
because of the examples around me. My parents started new businesses and
complete school programs well into their 50s, their friends travel the globe
and write about their experiences, some are foster parents who ‘have new
children’ every single year that they are charged to raise. Now, let me be the
first to say that I have fallen to societal pressures before. I’ve gotten
engaged at the ‘appropriate age,’ gone to graduate school at just about the
‘right time’ in my life, and have accomplished many a life goal when others
‘expected me to.’ But, I’ve also gone ‘off the grid’ so to speak and my life doesn’t
always flow exactly as I’ve planned (or how others have planned), but I am
still OK, better than OK even. In
fact, I add something new to my bucket list every single year.
This post can probably be attributed to the fact that I just
turned a year older yesterday or the fact that I really dislike being closed
into any type of box. I’m just sick of reading about where I should be in life,
and what I should have accomplished. Everyone has to the right to live each day
exactly the way they want to. So, rather than questioning my age and
accomplishments thus far, I choose to celebrate exactly where I am today and
look to the future. And let’s celebrate and support each other, no matter what
age, no matter what stage of life, no matter what accomplishment. So, to any of
you out there still hoping to reach that next level, hike that impossible mountain,
travel around the world and back, write a scandalous novel…I’m here to tell you
that it’s never too late, so get started.
posted by Ebony Joy Wilkins at
1:45 PM
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